5 Steps to Keep Your Good Vibes Alive

Do You Love Me?

So my husband & I are vacationing in Maui and I just have to share a little story of magic, mojo and beached serendipity… with a little twist at the end. I think it may help illuminate the value of having conversations that keep you feeling connected and in love.

It all started last night…or maybe 17 years ago when my husband Joe proposed to me on this special Island. 15 years of marriage later… two pandemic years of no travel… and all the realities of life, this has been a holiday well in the waiting. And as luck has it, when we arrived in Maui, the cyclone landed along with us!! I’m talking about falling palm trees, beached sailboats, and super saturated earth kind of cyclone. This after we left B.C. and its recent atmospheric rivers, I was truly wondering if there ever would be a safe harbour anywhere in our future.

But as with all weather effects, the sun eventually comes out and much anticipated sunlight prevails. We were walking home on the Kaanapali board walk last night and came upon a fun Maui wedding … (hope, new beginnings…and great music)… those of you who know me, know that I just can’t stop myself from dancing when music is in the air. So, I turned to Joe and invited him to dance with me. From where we were sitting, watching all the celebrations, I had a vision of our own impromptu dance floor for two.

Is there a gender expectation or is this an introverts nightmare to imagine dancing freely as I longed to do?  Joe, the somewhat reserved, declined the invitation… and we shuffled off home shortly thereafter. With lumps in my throat, I reflected on the inscription inside our wedding bands – forever courtship. Was this post pandemic stress, residual symptoms of a two-year four wall syndrome or simply what happens when couples approach their third decade of marriage?

Have you ever longed for a romantic impromptu ‘dance me to the moon dip’ and ended up having to come to grips with the flat reality that romance and vitality might be ‘stories’ to live by but forever memories of the past? Had we gone from the ‘hopeless romantic’ phase in the first ten years, to just plain ‘hopeless’ in the second?

For a spontaneous creative like myself… relationships are supposed to have some cupid arrows once and a while and some ‘star dust eyes’ … but hey, pandemic burnout, blizzards, heat domes, hurricanes … happy to be alive … but this told me it is totally time to dust off our magic carpet and rekindle our joy.

We had a heart-to-heart later last night. The thing I love about Joe is how open he is… and the thing I love about our relationship is how we are always first to the dance floor on any conversation needed. It’s easy to slide down a negative narley road to … the opposite side of bliss. But again, as a couple’s counselor, I thought “what am I doing guiding other couples back into their spontaneous joy, if I can’t achieve it in our own??”

As we deepened our felt experience, I discovered Joe had been feeling a little shy at the time.. which I get.. he’s a bit of an introvert and the little corner of the resort we were in at the time didn’t hold enough ‘cover’ for him to ride an expressive extrovert’s musical wave. I accept that. He loves me. I love him. And he shared that next time, he’d not let the ‘old man in’ and step up to the opportunities of impromptu Jo-Joe joy.

Anyhow… candid and honest conversations always pay off…our story came to a positive outcome today.

There was a couple sitting on the beach in front of us playing tunes on their Bose speaker… and guess what song came up? … an old song of the Dave Clark Five called “Do You Love Me… now that I can dance…” lol… I jumped up started dancing on the spot… Joe jumped right up and say no more, but we started a wave of jive on the beach! Still makes me smile just thinking about it.

Other people on the beach joined in and danced with us. Anyhow the vibes went up and the COVID masks came down… and conversations and connections started…

Going on holidays in pandemic times can be a little complicated to say the least… one of those complications is figuring out which test is needed for return flights and where the best place to get them might be… One couple that we met in all this fun to be had seaside, shared some great intel for us on how to get our PCR test locally so we could fly home this Wednesday without quarantining on the Canada side. Vibes up, stress down and life and love is totally in feeling back in flow.

How do you keep your good energy flowing through these pandemic puddles of time?

When is the last time you just jumped in to say yes to something a little out of your comfort zone?

Do you love me… now that I can dance? Yes, definitely yes.

Here are some steps to dance you through your own tough conversations & create change:

1. What are you feeling? What do you need?
2. Create a time to talk it through from both peoples’ perspective of needs & feelings.
3. Stay open to consider the context at the time as you understand, new contexts may create new possibilities.
4. Stay away from building a ‘case’ or from the need to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.
5. Look for, appreciate, and celebrate positive outcomes.

Love up, stress down as the holiday season approaches!

May you & your families have the BEST year ever in 2022!

Aloha,

Jo-Anne

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