For You: The Couple
In-office sessions: 1104 Esquimalt Avenue, West Vancouver
In-office by Skype for those on the go: jo-joe7
In-office by telephone: 604 925 1907
In-office by Zoom
Peace between countries must rest on the solid foundation of love between individuals.
– Mahatma Gandhi
I have a passion for couples’ work because I believe that the more love and connection that we experience in our partnered relationships, the better everything will go. It’s rewarding to witness the changes and insights when two people are committed to getting better at love.
Having a built-in practice partner, change happens quickly. With emotionally focused communication tools, couples literally change their brain. Most definitely I have witnessed perspective shifts and a return to love over and over again.
Our relationships can teach us a lot about ourselves. In a context of safety and deeply held mutual respect, we can start to understand deeper patterns within ourselves that may be getting in the way of our capacity to give and receive love from another.
I believe that if we can stop running away from conflict, we can clear away the whole kaleidoscope of misunderstandings that may otherwise perpetuate confusion not only in our lives but perhaps even for future generations of our families. This kind of couples relationship therapy work is preventative, meaningful and long-lasting.
If we are open to growing new adaptive patterns, our brains actually change and heal from old attachment wounds. This relationship therapy work teaches us how to avoid going round and round in defensive power struggles that entrench our insecurities, disconnection and pain. It is just amazing what can happen when we become more aware of ourselves in our relationships with others.
So, no matter how successful you already are at work, at play or at home, you & your partner can get better at doing love. These are skills of loving well that are not taught at school, nor in church, or more often than not, not in our families of origin either. And even those coping styles we learn growing up in our families can use a little fine-tuning sometimes as we progress through our lives.
But with the help of the right tools, with which we can communicate our needs, understand our feelings, and hear and respond to our partner’s needs and feelings, we can make amazing changes in our current love relationships. Gaining better intimacy, authenticity, creativity and emotional freedom start from where you are right now. This is the perfect moment in time to have a go at being better at love, and thereby better at life.
Certainly, life can be challenging in the early parenting and career-building years. Dealing with the balance of dual work and home schedules, while coping with time and financial pressures, is not easy. My job is to help couples make sense of it all and to develop better lifestyle habits that help you to align with each other rather than pull you apart. I believe that it is actually quite easy to start to love someone better simply by opening your heart. But you also need to love the life that you are living creatively together in order for your love to sustain the tests of time.
Every relationship needs to be able to express anger by following safe steps. Anger is intimate. Without anger, we can be emotionally and spiritually missing in action. Everyone has their own unique way of seeing each moment of the day. To live passionately is to express our unique interpretations of the ‘data’ of each moment. The more that we can allow and manage anger and passion to have a voice, the more intimacy and close connection we gain. Our partnerships should feel safe so that our feelings can land softly; not like bombs, but like seeds for deeper understanding.
The bottom line is, we need to feel that we matter to each other. We need to know, without a doubt, that our partner empathically understands and cares for our insecurities and feelings no matter what. The more connected and emotionally safe we feel in our significant partnerships, the more creatively balanced and healthy our lives can become.
Over the past few decades, there have been many theorists such as Harville Hendrix, John Gottman, Murray Bowen, Carl Rogers and others who have developed tools for communicating out of our power struggles through empathic listening and insight-oriented communication. More recent relationship psychologies emphasize emotionally focused therapy that focuses on the benefits of building stronger attachments which can provide optimum brain states so that we can process life as it happens.
My couple’s work aspires to weave the best tapestry out of what has been working in the models of therapy from the past, along with the best of what has been discovered through scientific research in the last few years.
The alchemy of ingredients that contribute to better love that is possible for you in couples therapy involves my skill set drawn from my years of professional and personal experience and most importantly the life and knowledge you and your partner bring to the process. When all of these elements come together, you will head on to an exciting and fulfilling path to better love practices.
Learn how to:
be more empathic and compassionate with yourself and your partner
communicate better when conflict rises
feel more sexually intimate again
build a life you love
develop common ground at your particular life stage
play better at every age
have better relationships with your extended families too!
Confidentiality about what is discussed is critical to the effectiveness of the therapeutic process. All personal information in our sessions is private and confidential and remains so in perpetuity, even after our consulting relationship is complete. I will guard your confidence except if you or another person is at clear risk of imminent harm, or if I am under a legal obligation to disclose under a court order or pursuant to your express written consent.
Professional Fees For Couples Therapy
Therapy sessions are 60 minutes. Many extended health providers cover the cost of my counselling services because I am registered in three professional psychological associations.